Okey, today I woke up feeling extremly apatic. The last two or three days haven’t been the happiest in my life. I’ve started to doubt that I will ever succed with those things in life I want to pursue.
Another thing that happen was that I started to feel like I could’nt enjoy things I used to, like going out partying, meeting new people, etc. It just started to feel like a broken record. It’s not that surprising either, because I’ve been going out(without getting drunk) about 3 days a week the past 6 months.
So I felt extremly “empty” the last days, doubting that I will ever experience the joy from quality achievements, I don’t really feel in love either. I just felt very empty. It got me thinking about popping the pills I’ve been eating earlier, pills which contain Codein.
But today when I woke up after staying home last night I got the thought of going to church with my mother. I woke early so I did it. It was the first time I ever asked her to go to church, it really set off the day in a new way. Later that
day I began mowing the yarn for the first time in my life, even though I’m 22 years old.. I belive this got me in a focused state of mind, where I just enjoyed the mowing.
The simple task of mowing set me off in a relaxed state.
After the mowing I began moving around stuff to create a “film corner”. And with film corner I mean a place where I not only watch film, but also edit material I’ve filmed myself. I started to watch films for inspiration for my own project “A spring in Barcelona”. Trying to figgure out how to best edit, cause I’ve never edited before. I organized all the film material by event and chronology. Later on this day I started on a new song in my “Studio room”. I came up with a new way of perceeding with the a song, making it “finished” in a few minuties. Then polisch, polisch, polisch afterward. This is very helpful for me, because I prefer to have a “finished piece” to polisch on than a piece which you just can’t call finished in any way.
I shut off my phone for big parts of the day and it felt very good. It’s been months or weeks since I had a day alone at home, not seeing any friends.
- Clear simple tasks like mowing can be enjoyed and set you off in a calm state of mind. It allows you to get immersed in what you’re doing.
- Dividing your different “works” in different physical rooms helps you keep concentrated. Like “Film editing room” and “Music production room”
- Shutting off the cellphone and being alone at home can be wonderful sometimes, especially if you’re immersed in something.
- Another important thing is to sometimes let go off your aspirations, atleast for a while. Let your mind rest from the thought of them. I did this and I belive it helped me pick it up later.
Now it’s 01:21 AM and I feel very relaxed and clear. I imagine this is how it feels for people who are in to meditation. My kind of meditation is simple tasks. I’ve been missing feeling like this for quite a while.